1. Sunshine - As rainforest residents I think many would agree.... it is also ultimately the source of the energy that powers #2
2. Internet connection - As #2 it's interesting that at this point we are now sitting outside on a sunny afternoon, staring at a modem but whatever, I suspect this particular modem is solar powered (all the electrical devices that appear on this list must solar powered be since "electricity" is absent)
3. Clean drinking water - Well yeah, if all we have is sun and Internet we're gonna need to stay hydrated from all the sunshine and Internet Porn (Porn gets a capital letter if Internet does, they're basically the same thing)
4. Fridge - To keep our water cool of course. Though I'm still not sure where we're plugging in the fridge (or the Internet for that matter)
5. Facebook - What are you thinking right now? "Gotta fridge and some water, it's gonna we a killer weekend LOL" [Comment] [Like]
6. NHS (National Health Service) - Gonna need if for glasses and dietary problems since it's all fresh water and a life time of status updates at this point
7. Cooker (kitchen stove) - Now we can heat and cool our fresh water.... starting to get hungry?
8. Email - From: Najir Shroederline Esq.
Subject: Norwegian Water Lottery
Helo my good Friend. I am to be announcing that your email account has won 446.37 Euro-gallons of fresh water you can collect you prive by sending you fridge, Internets, stove and Facebook to the following address
9. Flushing toilet - Now we have a way to waste some of that fresh water
10. Mobile phone/smartphone - Great for checking Facebook when you walk to someone else's place to sit beside their empty fridge and starve to death
11. Tea and Coffee - Goes good with stove and fresh water, now we've got the caffeine we need to stay up Internetting
12. Washing machine - Still naked BUT we've got a lot of fresh water, better use it for something
13. Shower - Good, now we can start doin' it in the shower
14. Central heating - I guess, since shelter hasn't been mentioned yet this means "fire"
15. Painkillers - For falling in the shower?
16. Fresh vegetables - Holy crap!!! We're gonna eat? That'll cut into iPhone Facebook time!
17. Vacuum Cleaner - We are gonna have some mess to clean up now that we have vegetables to peel
18. Kettle - Guess the stove's gonna have boiling pots of veggies on 24-7, this'll help keep the coffee coming
19. Sofa - Comfy, but don't get it too close to the "central heating"
20. Shoes - finally something to put in the washing machine. Also, if they are leather shoes they are the first protein we'll get to eat
21. Fresh fruit - a great side with tea, boiled carrots and shoe leather
22. Google - OOOOOooooooo!!! Now we can Google ourselves
Search: Geoff Johnson
1 Result: Connect with Geoff Johnson on Facebook
Location: Outside in the sun sitting on a sofa near his fridge
Likes: Water, Facebook, Kettle
23. Car - Sometimes your friends sofa/fridge are far away and Facebook is just too impersonal
24. Hair straighteners - Should have been number 1
25. Public transport - WTF for? You already have a car
26. Laptop - Already have a smart phone, kind of redundant right
27. Chocolate - My wife would argue this goes about "Fresh Water"
28. DVD Player - Dead Media!!!!! Might as well be something Victorian like a wrist watch
29. Wristwatch - .....
30. Make-up - Good point, women are gonna have a hard time keeping up with the fashion and make up look of the Kardashians and other stupid celebrities since we've had the Internet since before we had WATER!!!!
31. Flat screen TV - To plug your Laptop into to watch your pirated copy of "Hurt Locker"
32. Wedding ring - How else can you prove how much of an insecure sucker your husband is?
33. Tumble dryer - Still don't have anything to wear other than our shoes but those shoes can now be dried when we spill our unsecured fresh water all over them
34. Bottled water - WooooooooHoooooooo!! no more spilling fresh water. Also, we can use the empty bottle to build shelters. Bottled water saves the world again
35. Ebay - Good for buying and selling wedding rings, dryers, shoes, etc.
36. Bicycle - For those who aren't willing to push their cars (I'm still not seeing a source of portable energy in the list)
37. iPod - Didn't we already have an iPhone back at like number 10?
38. Air conditioning - Plastic bottle shelters tend to be kind of greenhouse like.
39. Disposable diapers - first article of clothing and we'll just throw it in the garbage after one use. The washer/dryer makes a good TV stand I guess
40. Light bulbs - not needed we can just turn on one of our many electronic devices already listed and waste away the evening glued to their light-emitting screen, wouldn't that be stupid (!?)
41. Spell-check - This one's just fcuking sutpid
42. Sat Nav (GPS navigation system) - We've got Google (and Google Maps) and a smart phone already. In fact, why does this industry still exist?
43. Push-up bra - Should have been number 2!!!!
44. Nintendo Wii - Finally a reason to stand up (other than the bicycle). Meh, you can still play most of those games sitting down
45. iPad - You've got a laptop AND you've got a smart phone. You're gonna use this as much as you use a gym membership
46. Gym Membership - I should really get one of those, I bet I'd use it all the time
47. Season ticket to your football club - As much as I like watching a bunch of vegetarian men in shoes and disposable diapers kick a ball around I'll do it sitting in my water bottle house from the comfort of my sofa.
48. Freezer - Well you need ice cubes for rum.... Wait!!! THERE'S NO RUM ON THE LIST
49.
50. Twitter - Follow Long Beach Radio on Twitter @Long Beach Radio
Something missing?
Thanks for Listening to Long Beach Radio
Ha! Well, there's a few thousand people who would be no help on a camping trip, or in a survival situation. Folks who can't get by without air conditioning and bottled water. Civilization is hanging by a thread, it seems.
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